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Cordelia Chase
Trying to move foward. mouthofhell

“ Angel Investigations is the best! Our rats are low…”

“ Rates!”

“It says rats.”

I let out a small amount of laughter as I heard the part when Doyle said “Our rats are low” but then sadness started to fill me up. I couldn’t stop watching the tape. Every since he-…well you know. What happened. I kept replaying it as if it would somehow change things. As if it would make him come back. I guess watching it made me feel like he was still here in a sense. I could hear his voice and see his face. But it wasn’t really him, it was now just a memory, a memory of someone who truly was hero.

“Is that it? Am I done?”

I pause the tape and just look at his face as a few tears start to roll down my face. Every time I heard that line it got to me. I didn’t even like him at first. I though he was too short and ugly. Ok so maybe there was a certain attractive quality about him but he drank to much and ok he was a loser. But he really wasn’t. Back in high school he would’ve been but not where we were now. All that mattered was the fact that he was willing to give up his life to save others. And he always thought he was just there on the sides. I hated him for making the jump, but he had to do it. If Angel would’ve done it then what would’ve happened? He was right, we needed Angel to stay alive. We needed Angel to continue fighting the good fight. But why did Doyle have to leave in order for that to happen. I mean he finally got up enough nerves to ask me out on a date and well I finally realized that I wanted to go out on a date with him.

I wipe the tears from my face. I know that Angel or Wesley should be back soon. And yes, as strange as that sounds Wesley is here. It’s nice having another face but it’s almost as if we are trying to replace Doyle, which we never could and of course no by Wesley. Wesley could never compare to Doyle at all. Although seeing Wesley did bring some humour into this place, just seeing him in his leather pants…wow can we say major fashion victim. Leather isn’t even that in for the season anymore, but some can still manage to pull it off, but Wesley…..let’s not even go there.

There we go just think about Wesley and his leather outfit and I’ll start feeling good again. I need to do something to keep my mind off of Doyle, which by the way I don’t see that happening anytime soon because of what he left me with. It was nice that kiss at the end, the kiss that should’ve been the first of many but had to be the first and last. Well, that kiss left me with his wonderful little gift. The visions he got, I don’t get what his problem was leaving me with them. I know I should feel special or something but I didn’t want them. When he used to say he got migraines now I know what he meant. Although these were far worse then any migraine I’ve ever felt before.

Current Mood: depressed depressed
Cordelia Chase

Ok so here we were back in good old Sunnydale. If you could call it that. Buffy needed some help with some demon and well I had a few visions with this demon in it so Angel and I decided to come out and help the girl out. We left Wesley behind in LA, thank god for that. Couldn’t deal with much more of his annoying British comments. I really did miss Doyle, to think how much things can change over such a sort time.

Well, Angel and I were at the local motel dump. The whole grr arggg I’m a vampire thing doesn’t really work out during the day. He should’ve let me planned this out then we would’ve gotten to Sunnydale at a nice time. But of course leave it up to Mr. Mysteries creature of the night. So we’re hanging out here until the sun goes down again. Angel seems a bit on edge with seeing her again, guess I don’t blame the guy. With all their history and what not, must be hard.

I yawn as I stand up looking at the clock. It was still early in the morning I must have only drifted off for awhile. Which you would think with a whole night of driving I would be dead tired right now, but I’m not. I actually feel wide awake like I slept the whole night though. Wait a minute…I glance around the room. Ok this so was not the dump I fell asleep in. This looked like Buffy’s house.

I stood up and started to walk around the living room. Ok so maybe something strange happened last night, I mean what else could explain this. This was so not funny, I wanted some answers. You remember falling asleep in some dumpy motel room and you wake up in someone’s house. Unless the whole motel room was just a dream, which it couldn’t be because I can still remember the smell of that place. Definitely not a dream.

Cordelia Chase
undergo_fear post

How I love going to the Bronze with the cordettes. Of course they just followed me around like some lost sheep, didn’t brother me much. I knew I was best looking and most popular out of them. They all wanted to be like me, who could blame them.

“Ick isn’t that, that girl in your math class Harmony.” I pointed to a girl wearing a shirt way too small for her. “Look who’s she’s dancing with” We all began to laugh “And she say’s she wants to hang with us. Like we would hang with someone dancing with a thing like that. And look she’s even looking over at us with a smile. She thinks she’s impressing us.” I rolled my eyes and glanced at Harmony as she waved back to the girl. “Harmony what do you think your doing? Don’t waste your time.” I sighed and turned to face the other cordettes.

Harmony always was stupid. “Anyway, oh hottie ten o’clock.” I glanced over to the guy who just entered. He was older, much older as in college older. Had sandy blonde hair, so model wannabe. “See girls, that’s what I mean by older college boys. Way better then these high school boys” They all laughed. “Shall I” I smiled and got up. Of course I should, didn’t need to ask them.

I ran my fingers through my brown locks as I made my way towards the guy. “Hey, are you new around here” He gave me smile and turned around and started to walk away. WHAT? Did he just blow me off, Cordelia Chase. Slowly I turned around and gave the girls a smile as I headed back. Of course I was better then him, he was probably scared off by my beauty.

As I got back to the cordettes they started to ask me how it went. “Oh you know, he was a typical loser. Got up to him and oh my god can we say someone needs to brush their teeth. It was like his mother didn’t teach him when he was young.” I laughed “So of course I gave him the brush off. Just imagine kissing that guy.” I gave a disgusted face.

[open to anyone in the Bronze]

Cordelia Chase
Example post. Season 4 Angel after she gets her memories back. No ickyness with Connor

So if life wasn’t hard enough as it was. First I can’t remember who I was. Let me tell you that’s hard. Being in a hotel with strangers who all claim to know you, they even shrove all this stuff in your face to prove who they are and to help you find your way. Despite how hard I tired to remember I couldn’t, not until Lorne did his spell. Of course he screwed up and sent everyone back to their high school days. Seventeen to be exact, and let me tell you that isn’t always the best. Especially when you have a vampire running around not knowing he’s a vampire, then you have the others not knowing what a vampire or a demon is. Lets just say total nightmare.

In the end the spell worked out and bravo here I am with my memory back. Of course I got all of my memory back, even that stuff when I was a higher power. And lets just say that some of the stuff isn’t worth remembering. I can remember everything, even got looks in Angel’s past.

I knew it wasn’t Angel who did those things, it was Angelus but still it was a little much. Besides with everything that happened things just didn’t feel the same anymore. Sort of crazy that I was about to confess my feelings for Angel that night. The night that everything happened. But now things were different, I guess we’ll never know what could‘ve happened.

I decided to go off and live with Connor for awhile. I needed time away from Angel and everyone. But things didn’t work out too well there. Connor seemed to think there was more to us then friendship. So here I am now, back in good old Sunnydale. Sure has been a long time since I was last here. Not too sure how Buffy and the others would respond to me being back. Wasn’t exactly the best of friends with them either. But I was different now, not the same Cordelia Chase they once knew. Besides I could always help out around here.

I sigh as I step out of my car and head towards the door. Yep that’s right, Cordelia Chase showing up at Buffy’s doorstep. Not something you would often see. I ring the door bell and wait for it to be answered.

Cordelia Chase

So here I am walking down the lame halls of Sunnydale High another day. Oh and please do not tell me that girl wearing my same top. Hello there should be some sort of rule to stealing others cloths. I mean sure I may be pretty and have good fashion but that doesn’t mean steal my outfits.

Even though I was hanging out with the freaks now a days people still wanted to be like me. I continued my way down the hall ways. As much as I wanted to see Xander and his little freak show I didn’t want to. Not in the mood for that right now. Yet here I am dating him. Imagine that me Cordelia Chase going out with Xander Harris. Yea sure I liked him and all but who am I kidding. Things won’t work out between us I mean look at us and how different we are. Yea we got that whole I want to make out thing going for us but besides that what is there.

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